Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
