Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
