She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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