u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
