Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
