Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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