I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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