We won't sleep together?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
