The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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