Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
