I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
