Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
