I just saw a hot homeless man
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
