My nipple is on Facebook.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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