One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
