If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
