i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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