DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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