I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
