id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
