Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
