You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
