Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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