You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
