just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
