John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
