eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
