I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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