so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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