Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
