I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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