It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I smell stomach acid.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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