Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
