If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
