we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
