Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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