There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
