Someone shit on the floor
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
