some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
