wake up i wanna do it froggy style
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
