I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
