my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
