K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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