My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
