yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
