i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
