Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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