my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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