its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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