So gin and wine won't be happening again
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
